Listen to the audio of today’s Reflection:
https://soundcloud.com/hapearce/reflection-for-march-20-2024
Mark 10:1-12
Divorce
1Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.
2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.
4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
In the lifetime of many of the participants in these Reflections, attitudes toward divorce have changed a great deal in American society – and in the church. When I was a kid, divorce was regarded as shameful, so lots of people stayed on in miserable marriages. Back in those days, most of the women in our community weren’t employed outside the home, so their circumstances could amount to economic captivity. And the church enforced a form of religious captivity, even in abusive relationships. In some churches, that’s still the case, but for the most part, people have much more freedom to walk away when marriages don’t work out.
That’s obviously a “mixed blessing.” Nobody should be held hostage in a miserable or abusive marriage, but a disturbing number of people seem to take their vows with unrealistic expectations. Surveys show that for the first time since such things were studied, the prevailing attitude toward marriage in American society is that its purpose is to make us happy. It seems to me that’s a dangerous attitude. Almost nobody is happy all the time, so that idea gives an inherent element of instability to marriage in our culture. If you wake up one day unhappy, you might feel justified in judging that your marriage has failed.
On top of all that, the current obsession with spectacular weddings probably doesn’t help. Studies show that there’s a direct relationship between the cost of a wedding and the likelihood of the couple getting divorced. Extravagant weddings have more to do with couples’ fantasies and self-glorification than they do with the deep sacrificial commitment the Bible calls us to.
All of which is a problem, especially given that divorce remains the leading cause of poverty for women and children, and that it places a tremendous strain on lots of kids’ development.
But the New Testament scholars say that this passage we’re thinking about today had something else going on in the background. The Pharisees came to ask Jesus about divorce, but their question had ulterior motives. They were trying to trap Jesus. The local ruler Herod had divorced his wife, and married a woman who had divorced her husband – Herod’s brother. It seems that the Pharisees were hoping that Jesus would say something inflammatory – something that would get him in trouble with Herod. As you might remember, John the Baptist had criticized Herod for this marriage, and it wound up getting him beheaded.
But as he often did, Jesus turns the question back on the Pharisees, and it’s very clear that they knew the answer to their own question before they asked it. They knew perfectly well what the law said about divorce.
But then Jesus went on to say something that went beyond questions of traditional Mosaic law. Jesus said that the practice of divorce existed because of human hard-heartedness, and that divorce had never been in keeping with God’s intention, which was that marriage would be a permanent covenant. So the very idea of divorce was a concession to human sinfulness, which is the cause of failed marriages.
Some marriages fail because of the sin of infidelity. Some marriages fail because of the sins of rage and hatred – sometimes mutual rage and hatred. Some marriages fail because of the sin of physical and emotional abuse. Or because of a refusal to forgive. Some marriages fail because of the sin of taking lightly a vow God intends to be very serious. But in God’s eyes, Jesus seems to be saying, there’s no such thing as “no-fault” divorce. When divorce occurs, someone is at fault. Someone has sinned. Often, probably usually, both parties are at fault.
So the question for the church to wrestle with is this: Should we enforce a strict ban on divorce and remarriage, and refuse to allow divorced people to be remarried in the church? Some parts of the church still think so. I believe these Christians – at least most of them – mean well. I think they believe that by taking a hard line, they’ll influence people to take marriage more seriously. And in some cases, they might be right.
It seems to me that the church should be serious about encouraging stable marriages. But personally, I can’t convince myself that forcing divorced people to live lonely lives is what Jesus would want us to do. That seems to represent a failure to extend grace. My understanding is that there are no sins that cannot be forgiven. (Except, according to Jesus, ‘blaspheming against the Holy Spirit,’ which doesn’t seem to apply here.) So if a divorced person is willing to confess and repent of the sins that have contributed to their divorce, it’s not our place to withhold forgiveness and to compel that person (and maybe their children) to live out their days in loneliness – and maybe in poverty.
It seems to me that the church is called to uphold the permanence of marriage as God’s intention for the flourishing of humankind. But when a person has suffered through the pain of divorce – and especially when they have been the victim of infidelity or abuse – it seems to me that we should err on the side of grace and forgiveness instead of on the side of judgment and condemnation. Because the gospels make it pretty clear that’s where Jesus came down.
It’s worth remembering that in the Gospel of John, the first evangelist he called – and maybe the most successful one – was a woman who had been divorced more than once.
Let’s pray. Lord, we pray that you will work through us to uphold and encourage your vision of marriage as a permanent bond of love that mirrors your own love. But we pray that you will also use us to bring healing and hope to those who have suffered through the pain of divorce. Amen.
Grace and Peace,
Henry
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